The Paradox of the Spork

By Vii Padron

The world is full of contradictions. When the world saw the platypus, it said, “Bird and mammal in one? No way.” Turns out, way! Prepare to be introduced, dear reader, to the paradoxical utensil our Finnish friends call a “Lusikkahaaruka (spoon-fork)”! The spoon-fork, or “spork,” has revolutionized how we put things into our pie-hole. Soon, you too will have your thoughts altered as you turn your thoughts of eating solid and liquid at the same time from a “No way,” into a “Way!” 

On February 3,1874, Samuel W. Francis patented a combined spoon, fork, and knife closely resembling the modern spork. Since then, the spork has made its way from the hands of hypothermic Boy Scouts to the nation’s picnic tables, how does it work? IAs a bowl with a trident on the side, you can stab and slurp ice cream with a new efficiency and wash away the sorrow of getting dumped by your boyfriend. 

Sadly, people in this world love to complicate simple things. In an unsuccessful 1999 lawsuit, the company Regalzone sought to invalidate Plastico Limited's UK registration for the Spork. Justice Neuberger of the U.S. Supreme Court wrote, “I accept that the word spork involves a clever idea of making a single word by eliding the beginning of the word spoon and the end of the word fork.” Such was the intense inquiry over whether the poor people of the past, who were not blessed with the spork, would have been able to intuit or predict its clever name.  

Spork! The utensil that doesn't give a fork! 

Photo from Wikimedia Commons.